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Following Godzilla Attacks, Kraken to Leave The Japanese Market

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TOKYO - In the wake of increased “Kaiju 怪獣” or as it is loosely translated into English “strange monster” activity in Japan in 2022, Kraken has made the tough decision to cease operations in Japan.

U.S.-based crypto exchange Kraken said on Wednesday it would sunset its operations in Japan in early 2023, citing the most recent battle between Godzilla, a giant prehistoric sea monster, and Mothra, a colossal sentient larva, as the last straw.

Kraken will deregister from the Financial Services Agency (JFSA) as of Jan. 31, before this time clients will need to withdraw their fiat and digital assets from Kraken.

As is required by Japanese law Kraken keeps all of their Bitcoin & fiat for the Japanese market in a ‘Godzilla Proof’ bunker dug deep in the interior of Mount Mihara so customers should face no issues withdrawing their funds.

“The decision is part of Kraken’s efforts to prioritize the safety of its assets and workforce,” the company said in a statement. “Current monster activity in Japan in combination with a heightened feud between Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah means the security resources needed to further grow our business in Japan aren’t justified at this time.”

Kraken’s Japanese-facing exchange is operated by its partner Shiragami Labs.

During the most recent attack some Kraken employees were caught on tape expressing their terror “Oh my God, the building is going to fall!, Godzilla is going to throw Mothra right into Kraken’s Tokyo HQ!” a Senior Software Engineer for Kraken Japan yelled into the camera.

Another Kraken employee noted "We couldn't even escape the Kraken Tokyo HQ because of the ground shaking violently. I started panicking because I thought that at any moment Godzilla might throw one of the giant creatures he was fighting into our building.”

In the aftermath of a string of earlier Godzilla attacks between 2017-2018 Godzilla was subsequently in-prisoned at Mount Mihara, which encouraged Kraken & other U.S. firms to re-enter the turbulent Japanese market. However, in late 2021 Godzilla was once again able to escape.

Despite assurances from scientist Kazuhito Kirishima and Lieutenant Goro Gondo of the Japanese Self-Defense Forces that the Japanese military could limit the effects of Godzilla attacks on the Tokyo metropolitan region, it appears the increased monster activity was simply too much for Kraken.

With the departure of Kraken from the Japanese market, Coinbase will be left as the largest remaining fully-regulated foreign player in Japan’s cryptocurrency market. Coinbase, which has already had to fortify its offices due to continuing assaults from Gary Gensler in a giant titanium mech suit, has said it’s ‘undeterred by the Godzilla attacks’ & is cautiously optimistic that the Japanese military will be able to get the Super X, a specially-armored flying fortress, once again operational.

Please follow us on Twitter at @thedailysybil here for more satirical cryptocurrency articles & re-tweet to spread awareness

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