Bitcoin Maxis Seize Dogecoin Headquarters; Possible Hostage Situation
CENTURY CITY, CA–LAPD, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding the Dogecoin Headquarters located at Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD officer was reportedly fired upon. The officer, Sergeant Al Powell had stopped by the building after receiving what was initially thought to be a false fire alarm on the 32nd floor.
The Dogecoin Corporation was holding its annual office holiday party; and its attendees are believed to be the only hostages.
Details surrounding what is occurring are still unconfirmed at this time, a Dogecoin Corporation Christmas office party is known to be taking place on the 30th floor. The Daily Sybil attempted to contact Dogecoin Corporation executive Joseph Takagi for comment but have thus far been unable to reach him.
Sources tell us that a man named Hans Gruber, an avid Bitcoin maximalist, has radioed the police with a set of demands. Hans has asked the police for a few key items including: the Dogecoin community to stop calling itself a “Proof-of-Work” chain and a helicopter with enough fuel to reach El Salvador.
Again, details are not fully confirmed at this time. Here is the unverified transcription of the radioed demands from Mr. Gruber:
“Tell those Dogecoin s***-coiners to stop calling themselves the second largest proof-of-work chain after Bitcoin, it’s confusing people as to how special we are! Also we need a chopper to get to El Salvador”
Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robinson has assured the public the situation is under control.
A source from within Nakatomi Plaza has noted that Elon Musk, who was caught up in the terrorist takeover of the Los Angeles skyscraper while attempting to win back his estranged wife, Billie Eilish, has been systematically hunting down Mr. Gruber and his goons.