Excessive Ethereum Burn Causes California Wildfire; Vitalik Buterin Charged

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SONOMA COUNTY - California’s “Moonboy Fire” is burning a path directly toward the record books and many are placing the blame squarely on Vitalik Buterin - the Founder of Ethereum.

The Moonboy Fire started December 27th when Vitalik Buterin attempted to use a Boring Company Flamethrower belonging to the Ethereum Foundation to burn roughly 2400 ETH on a farm in Northern California. The fire, which is still raging out of control, has thus far burnt 550,000 acres across five counties in Northern California.

The Moonboy Fire is expected to end up becoming the third-largest wildfire in California’s history. The fire was sparked when 2400 ETH was set on fire by Mr. Buterin in accordance with the rules governing a years old upgrade to the Ethereum protocol - EIP-1559.

In 2021, the Ethereum blockchain implemented an upgrade known as EIP-1559. Now as a part of every transaction, a base fee of Ether is burned, reducing the supply of Ether. In an oddly archaic fashion, Mr. Buterin personally burns this Ether at a farm in an undisclosed location in Northern California.

An emotional statement given by Captain Kutchie Pelaez of Cal Fire noted “Bitcoin mines may be dirty, but at least they’re dug deep into the earth, we warned the Ethereum Foundation that their reckless move away from proof-of-work to this controlled burn system would have unintended consequences!”; pausing to wipe away tears and soot from his face Captain Kutchie continued “peoples homes & livelihoods have been destroyed and for what so you can say you have ultra-sound money?!”

Criminal charges have been lodged against Vitalik Buterin and other senior leaders from the Ethereum Foundation as a result of the ongoing ‘Moonboy Fire.’ These charges consist of 11 felonies and 59 misdemeanors including unlawfully starting a fire which caused bodily injury, unlawfully burning inhabited structures, unlawfully causing a fire which burned forests, and various air pollution crimes, according to the Sonoma County District Attorney’s Office.

The Ethereum Foundation has adamantly contested the accusations that Vitalik’s Flamethrower started the fires saying that the new Proof-of-Stake based consensus mechanism used by Ethereum is environmentally friendly.

The Moonboy Fire marks the second cryptocurrency related forest fire in California in 2022. In May of 2022 a Zeppelin owned by the Helium Team - a decentralized cryptocurrency focused on providing internet connectivity - crashed in Sonoma County causing another massive fire. The Helium Team’s Zeppelin was unfortunately filled with Hydrogen and not Helium leading to a crash reminiscent of the Hindenburg disaster.

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