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Cryptocurrency Community Members Seek Sanctuary from SEC Inside CFTC Headquarters

Please follow us on Twitter at @thedailysybil here for more satirical cryptocurrency articles

Washington D.C. - Following more aggressive Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) enforcement action, thousands of cryptocurrency community members have dramatically sought sanctuary at the Commodity Futures Trading Commission’s Washington D.C. headquarters.

In stark contrast to the SEC, the CFTC has often taken a more lenient approach to cryptocurrency regulation. “We believe that a do not harm approach is the best one to take [with regards to cryptocurrency]. Otherwise, officials run the risk of harming innovation” CFTC Chairman Rostin Behnam stated in a recent interview.

Their journey started on greyhound buses and trains from hubs like San Francisco and New York: some of the few remaining escape routes for degens fleeing the iron fist of SEC Chairman Gary Gensler. The perilous overland trek has been taken by thousands of members of the cryptocurrency community, many of whom have not left their parents' basements in years.

With reports of SEC agents going door to door serving Wells Notices, degens are often fleeing with only possessions they can carry such as basic items like hardware wallets and tote bags from cryptocurrency conferences.

In the lobby of Washington D.C. headquarters of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, CFTC Chairman Rostin Behnam was among those handing out water bottles and blankets to the huddled mass of cryptocurrency community members.

“Gary can’t get you here” CFTC Chairman Behnam said while attempting to comfort a youtube influencer who goes by the pseudonym ‘BitBoy.’ Only days earlier BitBoy had defiantly walked the halls of Congress to level his own accusations against the SEC.

A shell of his former self, an emotionally broken ‘BitBoy’ could only muster up the strength to mutter “Gary can't get me here.”

“I just want regulatory clarity” a visibly shaken Layer 1 cryptocurrency founder told the Daily Sybil, “I just want to sell my wares to unaccredited investors and earn an honest living for my metaverse family.”

Feeling a modicum of safety from the zealous SEC, Web 3 community members quietly shared banned emojis such as the rocket ship, stock chart and money bags amongst themselves in the lobby of the CFTC as they contemplated what their futures might hold.

Please follow us on Twitter at @thedailysybil here for more satirical cryptocurrency articles

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